Abstinence

It turns out my last weekend in New York isn't really going to be in New York. The new company is going to fly me out next weekend to look for an apartment. They are also sending someone with me to help me, which is so super sweet. Meanwhile, I'm having a bitch of a time selling my shit on craigslist. I need the money so I'm forced to keep slashing my prices which is killing me. Today, I had a mini freakout. I called my friend Kate who relocated to Philly and asked if I was going to make friends. She laughed and promised that I would. I feel so scarred from my experience in New York, that I've almost developed a phobia of new places.

Anyway, I was inspired by an article in Time Out New York to temporarily practice abstinence. It's not even about being jaded its more about just hanging out with me without the complications of another person. My abstinence is more about abstaining from dating in general. I look back at the people I've dated and I see all the mistakes I've made. Its one thing to feel like you respect yourself, but its another to put that into play. Until now I've dated men who clearly didn't respect me, and I see that it was my fault because I didn't feel like I deserved respect. It hurts to have people I love treat me bad. For me love has always hurt. I'm not exactly suffering from domestic abuse or anything, but I have a history of dating men who seemed to enjoy hurting me. I finally see the light. And now I need to change my behavior and that requires some time. alone. which probably won't be a problem because i'll be new in town soon.