House Cleaning

You'd be surprised what you will find at the bottom of your drawers, during a house cleaning. I'll tell you what I found: old pictures of me smiling happily in the arms of my ex-boyfriend (Peter), old postcards which proclaimed confessions of love and personal jokes, and hand drawn pictures of me and other objects (Chris). The postcard I found from Peter was dated September 2004. Its been 3 years since he last loved me. When I came across these artifacts I thought about throwing them away. It felt good to be at that place, because part of the reason these objects were hidden, was because I couldn't bear to see me so happy with someone who told me to my face that he didn't love me. Correction: Peter's mom decided he didn't love me, and that I will believe until the day I die.

My have I grown. And though, it hasn't even been two months since the Chris debacle, I was ready to toss out his drawings as well. The situation was painful at first, but once you realize someone was so full of shit, its really hard to maintain any sentimentality toward any of the things he said or did for me. I'm not going to lie, its been slightly difficult for me to deal with the dissolution of our friendship/whatever the fuck it was. There are times when I really miss talking to him, and felt that we were perfect for each other. But, that has all been shaded by the inferior piece of single mom white trash he decided was worth more than me. No matter what, I'm always going to see it that way. He traded me for her, and thought it was worth the risk of losing my friendship and place in his life. And to me, he will remain the biggest idiot I've ever been dated/or whatever the fuck(ed).