Tears on a Saturday night.

I can't figure out whats wrong with me. The gym guy is totally losing interest in me. I find myself becoming really upset by this. I'm not sure why. I just hate the fact that I feel like I haven't learned anything since high school. I'm living in a new city and I think I'm starting to feel kind of lonely. The fact that this was the most interesting thing happening to me seems to be the reason I'm bummed this is winding down. I've always put so much emphasis in what men think and have had too many problems letting them dictate the rules, when it should be me taking control of myself and my own actions. I've always been the type of girl that pushes over for men and as a result I've been burned quite a few times. I don't want to be that kind of girl anymore. I want to be like, "hey, i don't want you asshole", and although I feel that way inside, another part of me is like, "hey, why don't you want me?" (asshole)I think I finally got over my ex. But, still feel like I haven't learned anything. I feel like I settle for all the wrong guys and the wrong short term situations. Deep down I know that it will probably hurt more to give this guy what I think he wants, but it still kind of hurts that he doesn't seem interested right now. Part of me wants to give him what he wants, because I can't stand the thought of him not liking me. Which is so stupid, I know. Because he won't like me anymore if I do give him what he wants. I wish things were different for me. I wish I was a stronger girl. Instead, I'm sitting here brooding and sad. It just doesn't make sense.