Life and Beyond
I officially decided to stop talking to Chris yesterday. Though he is technically single, sometime between the first time we kissed 8 months ago and today I fell in love with him. I can no longer deny that. When I was home recently, he was singing his heart out to Candlebox and it was then that I knew for sure that I was in love with him. I have told him this, he knows, I know. However, he refuses to be in a long distance relationship with anyone and is dating when the opportunities present themselves. It seems every week he's calling me telling me about a new girl (of course I know them all because I live in smallest town ever) he's going to hang out with. Now, last week I unearthed a bit of information from him. He's not just hanging out with them, but he's rather "seeing if there is potential". So he's dating basically. Just on the heels of the most wonderful week together.
I finally just had it. No blow ups, just tears. But, I came to a stark realization that him seeing other girls, lesser girls is just too much to ask of someone who is in love with you. I know he's single, he's free to do whatever, but I can't take it anymore. So, I told him, we need to stop talking for awhile, not forever, but for awhile. I need to move forward and away from this situation. I have always had a problem with being naive. I guess I was naive to think that he would care about me enough to not want to risk losing me. Maybe that's asking too much. So, knowing myself, I'm going to give myself time to remove myself from this haze of love and let it dissipate on its own. Once I'm over it, and I'm in California maybe we can be friends then. But right now, I've decided that its best for me to remove him from my life. But, my plans to move to California are still in motion, my feelings toward New York have not changed at all. I'm toying with the idea of moving to Europe however. My company is now international.
posted by cherie @ 8:33 AM
4 Comments:
as much as you might love europe, i think that living there would be even worse for you than NYC. the reason you hate it there is because your friends are here in cali. they will be even farther if you across an ocean.
with respect to chris, i really dont know what to tell you. perhaps you can revisit the situation when you move back home. until then, perhaps out of sight will place him out of mind.
emphasis on "perhaps".
True that SF. I think you may have a point. Moving to Europe kinda scares the shit out of me because of the harrowing experience I've had in NY. I guess I felt that Europeans will be friendlier. Wishful thinking I suppose. Btw, Chris texted me today saying that he doesn't want to bother me but that he was thinking about me.
of course he is thinking about you. why would u think otherwise?
Um, duh it was mostly a comment for you because you made the statement about him not "fighting for anything" via IM yesterday. That was his way of letting me know he cares without being intrusive. I told you I know him and you don't. Plus, you are so jaded I don't really trust your feedback too much in these sorts of situations.
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