Going Crazy
This situation with Chris is causing me to feel like I am going crazy. I don't feel like myself right now and it really makes me upset. The bone of contention is his desire to ensure a secure friendship with me before anything else. I have a problem being called a "friend" but he insists that a friendship first will be the right path. I find myself wanting more of a prominence in his life, and he just seems like he's not willing to give me that. He's trying to see where it goes and I just want to start going already. I'm sure its my lack of patience and willingness to slow down, but I can't help it. I don't know why I can't just let things be. I don't know why I am trying to rush this when I'm not even physically present. I feel like he may be correct but I still feel like I can't slow down. I don't feel well.
posted by cherie @ 6:54 AM
4 Comments:
this dude is totally leading you on. you are not "Friends". i dont fuck my friends. well, sometimes i do, but its most definitely not with the intention to ever have anything more with them. i feel like you are this guys yo-yo. hes all lovey when you are in town and able to fuck you senseless, but when you go back to nyc, he just wants to be your friend. be careful diane.
It was my fault. I said something sort of insensitive that spiraled into confusion. I need to learn to shut my mouth and not always say shit I shouldn't say.
i disagree. in a relationship, you are entitled to your feelings and the person you are with should do their best to try and understand them and not make you feel bad about them. i feel like he always does this to you and you feel guilty. stop it.
Hmm. The last thing he does is make me feel guilty about anything. He's actually quite the opposite, willing to assign blame to himself, when clearly I am the one to blame. Chris has been consistent in how he views our status. He has said from the beginning that he wanted to establish a secure friendship. In terms of sex, he told me that he would be willing to give that up if I want to. But, I can't. I want more right now. Our agreement is this: while I am in NYC we are free to see others. When I move to Cali (SF/SD/OC/LA) he has agreed to see me exclusively. I think that is fair.
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