I did it.
I took the plunge and signed up for Match.com. I did it because I really want to be with Chris, but it seems that I want him and he doesn't really feel the way I do. I think I need to meet other people to get over him, and this is the easiest way I know how. I have to admit, my stomach turned a little bit when I completed my profile and saw the pictures of some of the men on there. I'm really not looking forward to this. Not at all. I feel like I'm dating for all the wrong reasons. I hate dating, and have never really dated. I just sort of started out hanging out with friends who became more. Gosh, I feel so sad.
posted by cherie @ 4:29 AM
3 Comments:
i was gonna tell you how proud of you i am, but now i take it back.
i think your fear has nothing to do with internet dating, but more with your fear of moving on with your life.
if you and chris are meant to be, then let it progress to that. and if your not, it wont. but it doesnt hurt to put yourself out there and meet some people. dont look at in terms of trying to find the love of your life. just get out there and MEET PEOPLE. that never hurt anyone.
remove any expectations and you will only find yourself plesantly surprised.
i can't really type all that i have to say because i'd we here all day but here are the highlights:
- focus on making friends because in the long run they are more useful than any boyfriend/man/husband will be
- don't question or second guess yourself or your efforts. if Cali guy said that he doesn't feel connected to you and hasn't made an effort to fix that...F*ck him! he wasn't trying to be connected.
-you are a SMART woman. you need to start acting like it. piece of advice...pick up the book "He's just not that into you" by Greg Behrendt. read it! it might sound a bit cheesy but after reading it I had more than a few "ah ha" moments. basically its a book of reminders and girl we all need them. women lie to ourselves day in and day out about men. its time to wake up.
- with men you don't get what you give. you get what you get.
no amount of effort on your part is going to prompt a man to reciprocate in kind. men take as much as we give and will continue taking with no thought or regret. i'm not saying some men don't make an effort. what i'm saying is that having to go above and beyond what you receive from a man in an effort to improve the relationship is only a red flag that he's not worthy.
last thing...you are not the only one to ever go through the questioning, the doubts, the sadness. we have all been there (many times in my case). this might sound really corny but someone told me this as a pep talk and now i'm telling you...
"its only when we are happy with ourselves that we can be happy with others. knowing yourself with help strengthen your bs meter so you can stop wasteing time with people that have no place in your universe"
Yes, please, move on. Move on & try online dating. Move on & try anything. Just please, give New York boys a chance before you deem them all to be substandard. I know several who are wonderful little things -- you just have to be willing to see them for who they are.
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