The Evidence

This one is for you Shawn. My Cali guy sent me the emails that were sent between his cheating wife and the married man she cheated with. Yes, this seems sort of unhealthy and quite weird to be sharing this stuff with me. But, it was really bizarre to read the thoughts of two people engaged in an elicit affair. It was kind of generic and the content was rather cliche. There was only two occasions in which his name was even mentioned in the emails. There was no talk of anything except wanting to see each other and being in love with each other. In fact, it was rather dull after the first month of emails. I guess I expected some major trash talking and major stuff, but it wasnt really there. And yes my friend, you may lecture over IM tomorrow.

Living the Brooklyn Life

I haven't been posting or doing much of anything online lately. I don't feel much like being social. I don't leave my house on the weekends except for laundry, gym and coffee. Its also because I'm trying to save up for a bedroom set. I got a mattress yesterday--finally, and it was the most embarassing thing ever. I got it from the Costco in Brooklyn and had to wheel it on a flatbed through the store. People were veering out of the way in fear of being runover by a queensize bed. The other people kept touching it, which I found strange. After we got it through the checkout, we had to strap it on top of the car which took another 45 minutes. During this time, we watched a man steal a parking space from another man wearing an FDNY shirt. The man got out of his car and began yelling and screaming at the guy for stealing his parking space. It was well-deserved I admit. We thought it would end in fists flying, but after 15 minutes of yelling the guy finally moved his car. Thats Brooklyn for you.

Anyhow, the online romance is still flourishing with the guy from Cali. I like this guy so much. He was married to someone I knew, more than an acquaintance but not a friend for life, and he has sent me pictures of them together when they were married, and its so difficult sometimes. Its not because she's in them, but that they looked so happy. I feel so bad that it didn't work out for them. I still remember running into her after they were married for a few years and how happy she seemed. I told him how very sorry I am that it didn't work out, and he said, "well maybe it did." He has a healthy outlook on the situation, and for someone who has undergone that kind of emotional pain, he's pretty stable. We are pretty much counting down the days until we see each other again--7 weeks. It will be nice to be near him again.

Update

I haven't updated in awhile so I think I should. The biggest news is that the guy in Cali is coming to New York to visit from March 14-19. He has a brother in Manhattan so he will be visiting him too. I am super excited and can't help but compare the fact that my boyfriend for 1.5 years never made an attempt to visit me when I lived in Buffalo. Other than that, I spent the weekend with my old roommates in Connecticut taking in the best pizza I've ever had which oddly enough is in New Haven. Frank Sinatra sent his driver to get pizza from here when he was in New York--1.5 hours away. We followed that up with going to a vocal concert at Yale and later went out to have cannolis and coffee.

Sadness and Destitude

I think I'm officially depressed. I didn't leave the house except to do laundry. I know I should be out and about, but I don't feel like it. I know I need to go to the gym to help raise my spirits and for overall good well-being. I just feel like I don't care right now. My friend called me to tell me she finally lost virginity at the age of 27. Go girl!

Delusions of Grandeur

I was very sad as I was leaving work today. Everyone was buzzing around making plans to go get drinks after work. Of course no one asked me. My work is like high school. Everyone has a clique. It's worse than any other place I've worked at. For the most part I don't care anymore. Its days like this when I know I should be looking forward to a long weekend but I realize that I don't really have anywhere to go and that kind of burns. A subsect of a clique invited me out for drinks next week, and though this is the same group of girls that I've hung out with before, I almost don't feel like I want to go. Its all a farce anyways. Why bother? Or maybe I should maintain a clique for protection like in jail. I don't want to talk about my long distance-ish pseudo romance.

What to do...

I'm still obsessing over my California love. This guy is so beautiful. 6'5'' greenish blue eyes and dark skin, black hair. He looks mediterreanean but hes half mexican and half white. We've been IM'ing, texting, emailing and phone calling. I'm not sure exactly what to do because I want him so bad. I want to fly home and shag the shit out of him. I want him to come to New York so he can shag the shit out of me. I hate to be all cliche and be like, "it means more than a shag", but it does. I felt a connection with him that I have not found since my ex. It's beyond the physical, we connected on a mental and emotional level too. We spent two days with each other and I felt like I knew him my whole life. I want to connect with him again on that level. Why do I want guys so far away from me?

Life or something like it

I've been watching life pass by from the twin sized camping air mattress I'm using as a bed. Not so fun. I'm trying to buy a tv, but when I went to Target, I found myself wondering how the hell I was going to get it home. Life isn't so easy here, but it sure is fun. I went to a Sikh exhibit at the Rubin Museum of Art which is free on Fridays, and followed that up with coffee and chocolate cake at a cafe in my neighborhood. At the cafe, my friend tried his best to persuade me to go on Match.com. He insists that I should be dating men who make at least 75k a year with comparable education. He also pointed out that I'm new to New York and this would be the only opportunity to date and find my perfect match. I totally see what he saying, but I am somewhat reluctant and kind of scared. I guess its no different from meeting random guys at places and such, but still it makes me nervous. I think I'm going to wait on this for now. I have more important things to focus on like not living on the floor of my new residence.

Apologies

So its come to my attention that I've turned into a pretentious jerk since living in NYC for 3 months. I will agree to that. I will also say that its difficult to go back "home" to a boring suburb after living here. No other place in the world compares to New York and its not fair to make that comparison. I think I just associate all the old things with that suburb, like ex boyfriends, high school and having nothing to do but going to the mall. I just don't think I can live in California at this stage in my life. There is so much I want to do right now that I cannot do in California. The advertising/marketing industry is huge in New York and most companies are headquartered here. Learning how to dance or knit or join a roller derby team is only a subway ride away, I can't do those things so easily in any other place. The diversity of extracurricular activities are on a grand scale here. I never meant to be a jerk, and I'm not trying to say I'm too good for Cali, and this was pointed out to me many times, but I just feel that its not where I should be right now. I need to be here, I was called to live in New York at this point in my life.

I fell in love

I fell in love with a boy during my visit to Cali. I spent the 30th and 31st with him and missed my flight on the 1st because we were spending time together. Which lead to spending more time on the 1st and almost missing my second flight. I knew of him in high school because two of my friends were in love with him. He went on to marry one of them and was married to her for 8 years. 2 kids later, he's single and back on the market. We decided to start out by going to the wretched casino nightclub which is much better on Saturday nights it turns out. We made out like teenagers on my couch while watching Halloween. We laughed about stupid stuff and talked seriously about his previous marriage. He left my house at 7am. The next night, (31st) we went to his friends house and spent time eating, talking, smoking weed and drinking coronas. After we left and went back to my house, we spent the time making out again and talking and laughing. The next morning we were so tired from the night before and we were just laying around and by the time we made it to the airport, my plane had left. So, we spent the rest of the afternoon trying to make out in a movie theatre and eventually in his car in an empty parking lot. It's funny because we are in our late 20's and professionals, and yet it doesn't matter what age you are when you want to be alone with someone. I almost missed my second flight because of the time we spent together, but I did make it. Part of me was extremely sad to leave him. Spending time with him reminded me of the subtle nuances in relationships that I had forgotten. Holding hands on the couch, feeling the warmth of another person's body against mine--all of these things I had forgotten. Of course it will never work. He lives in Southern Cali and is tied to the region because of his children. Of course, I live in New York City and I'm tied to this region because of my career. Only 2 days together and I miss him tremendously.